i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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