i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
