Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
