Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
