Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize