So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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