She is in my trunk
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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