"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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