i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
