my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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