i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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