i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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