Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
