At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize