I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
