drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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