you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
