I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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