no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
