did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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