Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
