She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
