Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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