my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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