Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"

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(714): View more from California

We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her

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(425): View more from Washington

Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.

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(316): View more from Kansas

If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.

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(714): View more from California

BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot

(617): View more from Massachusetts

i want to face-plant into her vagina

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit

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(256): View more from Alabama

I may or may not be drunker than time right now.

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