I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
