I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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