A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my shit smells like andre
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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