Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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