i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
