OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
