Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
