nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I cut my penus on the lid.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
