Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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