i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
