i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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