I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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