I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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