I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Nicole vs. Life
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
