is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
