fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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