remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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