let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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