pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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