my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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