I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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