we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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