Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
