I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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