Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
