yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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