spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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