So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
