Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
