Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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