bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
