I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
