Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
