Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize