im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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