Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
