some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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