Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
