I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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