This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
