I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
