Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
