She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
