You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
