Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
