My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
