My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm too high and old for this...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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