I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
