Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
