I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Send help, water and tortillas.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
