He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
