I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just google imaged poop.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
