The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
