you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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