Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
