a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He passed out mid-signature
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
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