I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
