dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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