He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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