So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
