i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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