just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
