My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
