My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
