Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
