So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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