I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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