i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
