He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
